Semper Volans (Always Flying)

Tag: Life

  • Been a while….

    I’ m finally posting again. I promised some reflections and observations, and I have not forgotten them. They will be coming shortly. I got sidetracked with various things. First, my work schedule has been busy and I ended up having to do some unexpected extra traveling that ate up any free time. Next, I’ve been doing a bit more back and forth between Virginia and Mississippi than I expected. My work schedule had some openings so I’ve been back and forth to help out my wife. We welcomed a child into our home just the other week, so I did my best to be home and helpful in any free time I had — which invariable meant little to no time to post here. My last excuse for getting behind is the burst of writing I did the last several weeks to finish my The Petrid. It is finished! The hardest part — just writing something to completion — is over. I am taking a break from that to catch up here before resuming heavy editing before finally completing it. It’s been a four-year project, so it is both exciting and a little odd to see it come to a close. That means I’ll have to move on to my many other projects sidelined until The Petrid is finished. I’ll be sure to include a little excerpt over the next few days.

    But the adventure of life continues. A new child. More flight time. Some birdwatching here and there (no Ivory-bills yet!). I did get to add Black-bellied Whistling Duck and Mottled Duck to my new life list of birds during a short stint in Louisiana. I finished my book. I’m going to try kick-starting Violin again. I’ve been making a concerted effort to read more consistently.

    Sometimes it is difficult to stay busy and motivated during the hecticness of things. Between work and traveling and family, fatigue is a factor that has to be carefully monitored. Sometimes I sacrifice doing things I want to rest so I can attend to the more important things of life — which makes sharing my reflections that no one reads on here on the back-burner. Other times I just don’t have the time. But I temper it with the maxim memento mori. Those who have death before them will be more motivated to continue doing. I don’t know how many years I have left. I don’t really care. But what I do have left I do not want to waste. I can’t do everything, so sometimes rest and leisure and breaks are necessary and good, but I also don’t want to waste any free time doing only that or wasting it on nonsense that can be found scrolling on the phone. We have to remain engaged with the world around us to really live. Going to work and watching videos all night is no way to live. We have to be among nature, sharing camaraderie with people, keep our mind strong by reading and writing and thinking; find something new to do — maybe even something challenging. I also find that the more I do that involves the world — reading requires paper; a violin is made of wood, when I walk I have to say hi to a neighbor or listen to the birds — the more I am motivated to fight for the good it possesses and the more I want to help improve it and share the joy of life. It seems a lot of people are oppressed or suppressed even. There’s just a lot of mutedness I see in the world.

    People are not free or happy. The world is not free or happy. It’s going through some sort of travail and everyone senses it to varying degrees but no one knows what to do about it. Everyone feels a bit helpless and hopeless. So the response is to just act like a turtle and crawl into a shell — to focus on oneself and one’s immediate surroundings. But I don’t think that’s the right approach. Not that I’m preaching “oh we have to save the planet” attitude. A lot of the time all we can do is focus on our immediate surroundings. But there’s a difference between isolating oneself in that context and hoping things don’t get worse or hoping it stays distant and trying to forget about it even though you know its coming, and living with an infectious joy and indomitable spirit where nothing phases you or quite knocks you out. C.S. Lewis wrote that men were without chests in these times. I think it’s important men got their chests back. But we don’t do that skulking away on our phones or in our private circles. We have to fight for our liberties and our country and our God and our families. We resist internally but keep letting things get worse. I don’t quite know how to fix these problems, but I notice them and think about it a lot. What does help is to stay engaged in the world and realize what we have is awesome and worth fighting for. You win by conquering the mind and thinking for yourself. You win by dodging their deceit and living joyously. You win by resisting their evil designs. You win by laughing and talking. You win by sapping them of their power. Whoever the ‘their’ is you win by not letting them hold you in fear. That is the ultimate crux. Our gospel has always been “the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.” How about the gospel that says “do not be afraid.” Have no fear, and you win. Remember, they can kill you, but they cannot harm you.

  • Late Night Bonding

    One of the adventures of life, which few people ever talk about, is the late night bonding that occurs between a parent and child. This occurs usually in the early toddler years. I don’t mean the typical late-night feeding and changes that mom’s typically deal with. There is, perhaps, a certain sort of bonding there, but I’m speaking of the rare chance a parent has to bond with their child in the middle of the night when the toddler is awake. And I mean WIDE awake. The child is set to bed, but lo and behold, a couple hours later, something was off in their internal clock and they think 9pm is 6am and they are ready to go.

    This is a very delicate time. You want to be asleep. You are tired. The toddler is tired, or was, and now she wants to play. What do you do? You have a couple options, but it requires great strength to do the latter. The first option, which is ideal, is that you change and feed and try to put the toddler back to sleep. When that fails, you have only one other option. You have to be awake with them. This is where virtue comes into play. You can be a grump about it; you can stick the child in the crib and let them cry all night; you can disassociate and let them play in a safe area while you sleep.

    Or you can surmount the begrudging tendencies and take the time to bond with your child. It is not easy, but you ought — you need — to do it. They likely won’t be up too long, so you sacrifice some sleep and enjoy a quiet time of playing with them in the still of night. The air is calm and cool, the crickets are chirping, and the world is asleep. But you get to play with your toddler. This is a rare and special occurrence.

    This happened to me just the other night. Everyone else was suffering from an early fall cold. We were all tired, and we desperately wanted sleep, but M flipped her clock and was awake. We tried different tactics to remind her that it is bedtime, and none of them worked. Finally, by 1am I decided it was time to just suffer through it and take her downstairs. So we played, just the two of us, for about two hours.

    M got to play with some cards and run around and giggle. We danced together to the Blue Danube, and a song about the Battle of Little Bighorn — which she loves because her siblings love it and are always singing it. We then went into the kitchen and served a traditional late night snack. We had a cheese stick and pepperoni and crackers. I took the time to get ahead of breakfast (a natural thing to do at 2am), and we made biscuits together. M managed not to dump the bowl full of flour, and we made some average tasting biscuits. Good enough for 2am. M also had her fill of flour and butter despite my best efforts to remind her that it is better cooked than raw. Then she got tired. Around 3am we went up back to bed, and she slept soundly the rest of the night.

    I got to have a special time with my toddler alone — which is not common during the hustle and bustle of a normal day or week, but I was only able to enjoy it because I chose to participate in it. I could have grumped all night or let her fuss all night, but I chose the harder path and it yielding fruit. I was tired, yes, but I was able to enjoy the time, get ahead on the day, and have meaningful time with the toddler. She got to spend time with dad, which is important for children, and she got her energy out enough to resume sleep. The next night she was on her normal schedule and all was well with the world.

    It’s important to take advantage of opportunities when they arise. They won’t always be pleasant, but they will be rewarding and there will be an unspoken bond that helps form to strengthen the tie of father and child. It also reminds the parent that at that young age it’s not the child’s fault, so the child shouldn’t be punished for it by being left to fuss all night so you can be convenienced with sleep. Instead, turn it constructive, and if possible, nap the next day. I might also recommend making cookies instead of biscuits. But don’t let things slip because things don’t go as planned. As I always tell new aviators: fly the airplane, don’t let the airplane fly you.